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first question would be, do you also feel this way anytime you ejaculate (like when you masturbate alone) or is just when you're with a guy? The only real significance of this question is to discover is it related to being with a partner or if it's how you relate to your sexuality in general. That should probably give you a good idea of why, as it might be the tip of the iceberg so to speak. The other question is you use the word emptiness. Emptiness implies a lack of something, so whenever someone uses the phrases emptiness it is imperative to understand empty of what? I'm guessing when you use emptiness in this context you are meaning there is an emptiness of emotion an emotional numbness. In my own personal experience we only go emotionally numb as a defense against feeling a strong unpleasent emotion. BUT then you say you feel a kind of sadness. It is my speculation that this sadness is a reaction to the emotion hidden behind the numbness. If it is true that this sadness is a reaction to another emotion originating from within yourself (most likely safe to say it is negative due to the numb-defense) this means the negative emotion is being directed at yourself (hence the reaction of "sadness"). I think it is logiy safe to guess that this negative emotion you are directing at yourself and causing a "sadness" reaction is perhaps some kind of anger? if this is the case it might due to examine which kind of anger it is. There is a good anger (a protective anger, that is a form of -) and a harmful anger which leads to self-hatred. You can tell the difference between the two by their results. Good anger make you feel bad at first, but this NEVER motivate you to take actions that cause yourself to suffer instead it motivate you to set right a wrong, or protect yourself/ others from wrong actions in the future in this way it is Good Anger because it motivates us to take actions that lead to happiness. Bad Anger attacks our self image, esteem, etc and drives us to take self-desctructive actions as "punishment" for whatever it believes we have done wrong. It wishes to make us "pay" for our human mistakes or things that aren't actually mistakes or wrongs at all (but are mistakenly beleived to be due to perhaps a skewed belief and the mind only acts on what it sees as true, lies can be extremely